So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
