So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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