Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
