Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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