Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
