She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
