so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
