i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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