the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
