I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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