conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
