things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
