Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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