I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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