C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
