that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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