I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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