Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
