it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
