guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
