ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
