it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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