My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
