I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize