"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
