btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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