I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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