I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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