last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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