i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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