Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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