so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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