she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
