I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think your dad took our porno
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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