She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
