It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
