Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
