Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
