who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Enjoy the penises
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
