it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Boobs are out for the taking
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am one with the molecules
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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