i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
