Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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