wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well you can't waste a boner
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
