Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
