Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize