$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
