he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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