oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
