Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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