Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
