but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
third nipple confirmed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
