He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize