im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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