I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
