She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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