I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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