actually, I'm a sock model
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
