i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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