Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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