She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
