I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize