she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
