8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
