Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
