you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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