My balls are so social today.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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