I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
