So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
