I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
