So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
