From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
