It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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