I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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