OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
