i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
