Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
