so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
