Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
