Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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