You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
