Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
