Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
