i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
