i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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