I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
