Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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