So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
