if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your cock deserves a montage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
